Do you ever wish you could change places with your husban

take his job for a week and he do yours and the million other things you have to do ? maybe it me i have resented many many things in my marriage and try to see it his way . But some time i want to explored !! i finish later have to go!
ok i am feeling better hehe but i still love my husband actual i think all husband should do what we do for a week 100% of all we do . i know i am not discounting what dh does but i am sure i do way more then he does and his parts is easier then mine . i think my is harder as i do home childcare so my job never seems it ends and i am with our children 24/7 plus house work ect never seems a break! i love to give him a list all the stuff i do in a day and see if he can get it done plus watch ten kids and care for them in a day . i fond that all funny actual .
i am also a little resentful that i have put my self last . i always though of my self as selfish in my younger days i was not going to have kids and ended with four and i actual would of had more if the world was not like it was and of course i could afford more something change during the way and i would never never change a thing but as a mom we let are self go and put my children first as it should be but at what risk ?i hope i did not make to many mist acts along the way .

So it Friday

no relax here always on go and if we where not so much would have to be done here around the house . little girls have a softball tournament in EP starting at 8am tomorrow so have to be there by 7am ick i hate these games and times lol
still need to get DS a car as we are jugging three drives with two cars ahh frustrating .i plan dh (smile ) he no help . he going to sneak in work this week end but it will be nice it wil pay for our trip next week end to SD .or at least most be nice .
well nothing really to say . hope all have a safe and happy week end

so over the years i have to wonder why we are here and live this long

so my neighbor died yesterday she been sick battling with cancer . they and really our neighbors took my kids under there wings as we where the next generation to move into this neighbor . they all built this home , raised there familiy and now living as grandparents ect . well i know mu neighbor sue was younger o around my parents age as her kids where younger them me and my husban . so she had a wondewrful life raised 4 kids also went to smae private school my dd goes , has grandchildren , just left her job after hum 30 yrs ect , built there dream home on the lake , and then hit with the Big C , so left changed and she lost the fight .but it makes me wonder what is are life all about i had another good family friend her dh die years ago around the time the where jsut getting ready to retire and enjoy life together . also look at my Father in law life change for them the day he had his major stroke .
there is a point to this as a couple i always say we will have time for each other or self ect when our kids are grown but what happens if life has a different plan . and that time never comes ? i mean i am glad all these people and my self is well and alive to care for my children and family .watch and see them grow. i am there for them . but what happens if our time or mine time never comes . why we work so hard and then dont get to enjoy it when i am 55 or 65 . i am sorry a little sad.
As my friends still fighting with her little girls that sick and hanging onto life she is doing better but why did this hit this family ?

Well i lived throught the week end and our crazy life

so we had 11 softball games , a ride a lone, twice at the fair and many eating outs ! All to start over this week-end but this time only my little ones play and son has something Friday but not sure what .. and i am sure oldest daughter will want plans actual i think she wants a party friday night so we will see .
i am frustrated with my son and lack of job i try to be understanding but it almost July n no job .. please just get something to make spending money . i try to make it hard for him and not give him money so he more motivate to get a job but does not seem to work . i do think he is as frustrated as me but i still don't feel he gives 100% . i want every day three app turn in talking to people . he does maybe three a week am i to hard ? then the guilty me comes in ..
then my middle daughter she going to be the live of me she talks back act out scream and shoots ahh it going to be a long summer and fight with sister and lies , say things behind my back .. what to do !!!
so that where i am at today .
i have a friend and her daughter very sick she has an aneurysm in her brain and had to cut her skull open she i believe 6 so i am praying for a fast recovery and trying to be grateful for my healthy children i want to scream at ..

our week end in this life

So tonight starts with two at practice , then usally out to dinner , one on ride a lone until midnight (which i cannot sleep until all my kids are home ) and other need to be pick up at 10pm not her choice mine from fair . tomorrow 5 of us leave by 6am husban and i two different dictions hour 11/2 way from each other . 6 softball games for three girls on sat , Sat my son has to work a men softball tourament also here in the city we live in . then sunday repeat . oh yah it fathers day possible will see dh dad for dinner if we have time or are done .
so my week end filled with making sure cooler fill , sunscreen on the girls , giving them water and making sure they are eatting . and a whole lot of driving .
have a good one all . enjoy

I have not posted in a few days as i have been in a mood

So i did not think everyone else need to hear me whine it been a up and down week . Frustrating week with the car for me or my son . with the news laws it making it impossible to buy a car with out prefect credit if you are self employed very frustrating . i thought i was doing right thing about driving my van to the ground . mistake. i thought it was a good idea to go 5 yrs no payment nope . i am sure it all will work out and son will leave with a car and i keep my van and lets just pray they dont brake down .. and if they do we can afford to get them fix.
my goal this year was to pay down dept .. why is it so so hard and never works like i want and some how end up with more .
i read things like a family of 5 make and lives on 30,000 a year i dont understand are they smarter with there money , never income dept ? i cannot live on 100 grand a year . we dont have or do exspeive things . we do have proity with our money private school , help ds with college ect kids sports fees and camps . if i where to cut all this out lets see how much money we have about 15,000 grand more a year and starting next year about 20,000 some people only make that in a year (i did years ago )well enough of this depressing stuff .

Do you ever think i should be worring about things

like swine flu or hungry at your children school or in your neighbor hood . i mean i do worry about this but i feel so over whelm with the world i live in i am not sure i could or should do anymore .
here a topical week for me
i work 7am to 5 pm mon thru Friday
sat and Sunday this week coming i will have three kids playing softball with 6 games each team meaning 12 games or as many as one of us can get to .
Monday well i have to run to car place hopeful find something way home from there store and return something at target and grab floor cleaner . then hit cub for food for the week hopeful home by 10pm
Tuesday girls 2 have practice then run from there to oldest dd game
wed girls have game
Thursday all three have practice
i think i am off Friday night so i hit the bank , finish food shopping , drive dd somewhere then pick up again before bed . then the week end start
so ok this is my life i don't mind it except you should see the wash that need to be put away , or how tired i am and don't want to clean extra room , garage ect when i have a night off .. barely can get floors and bathrooms done . so back to the point where and how do i worry about bigger things then me . i actual don't think are bigger them us your self and i think we can make a differences and change things , or help but where does that fit into my life this time of my life anyway ?
i mean i feel i do give in my life to little life's each day and many families but is that enough , i worked an out reach neighborhood program for a few years but had to give it up . taught Sunday school . But if i could have ideal job i would be giving more time and working with more need youths then i do now but i have to support my family . makes me wondering

i feel a little more relaxed today

i am still thinking i am making wrong choice on my car but i do like it will love it as long as the payment are where i want , and it holds up .. all if when you buy used
my son is dating he never been a dater all through high school his friends where more cool and i was ok with that but now he going to college and be 18 in in less then a month all gaga over this girls (good thing she leaving for a month to visit day in cali i believe )
kids home for summer what to do them son will have a job i hope and be going to school , my oldest dd need to help around her i want her in some routine so she dont lay around until she goes to friends house or softball. she also need to take driver ed icks she my Blondie really not sure about her some times .
little ones will just drive me crazy with other school agers i have for summer .
so we will see
i like the two olders ones chore each day like unload dish washer , wash towels , we wash towels every day 6 of use . see if what else i can ad that she dont already do , she does room , her own wash , bathroom trash and wipe up stair bathroom down . but more then doing them i want some rout ion for her drives me nuts her sitting around all day texting . so we will see it only been three days and she already dring me nuts woundering around

do you ever feel you are doing to much ?

i think i could name 101 things i try to do each day from mopping the floor to buying a car . i kind of feel i have a lot of changes going on in my life , not sure why i have had more at once like buying house , new job and getting married all with in 6 month talk about stress .
so i am trying to buy a new car or new to me as i want to give my son our van to take to college . but i hate it all i think i pin it down to three but my family no help . kids dont want another van they say no way , dh say buy want you want and well me i am a mess . do i buy what i want i think it the worst buy out of three . it the most money , most miles and no warranty as other are cheaper , cleaner , lower miles . my head spinning . i hate all these things really . never know if it the right choice , good choice , smart choice . plus let not even talk money as lets see i pay 500 to dd school each month and i am adding another 500 month bill for ds college and lets see add another 500 car payment holly cow . plus the million of bills i have now , high morage ,high credit bills and another truck payment ,just want me to run . ok not really but would love to get it under control and i am not sure how to
well ds made it home all ready for school sign up ect , also got in mail today a cadet program for state patrol he going to this aug . he was excepted . yah scary tho i think they will kick his butt there .good for him but as he my baby boy i worry if he can handle the pressure .
well i go to bed with my head spinning and see what happens tomorrow

OK it is starting to hit me and my son left for the first time today

to make his first of many trips to school and back 3 1/2hours way on his own . My heart hurts in worry , a little sad he grown up . some how i though something magic would happen when he graduated and my job (i mean i not disowning him or kicking him out) or anything but i would stop worrying , not stop caring . i really could cry for sadden that he is grown . leaving the nest and worried about all the what ifs . i hate this .
i think of my self strong mom and woman but then yesterday i was thinking on the graduation was easy no tear it will be hard when he graduates from college and academy . right well it starting now . i am hoping it will get easier .
I do have faith and need to let my son go and fly on his own . my kids teen exspacal i tell them i will give you enough to hang you and bring you back in . But now that he is adult well in a month and in college ( the college told me today he had to get is info as once register at college he is consider an adult (well!) slap in face lol . i might not be able to also there to loosen the rope to help them .
i also thought it be harder to let my daughter go .
well i feel better and i am proud to start this new chapter in both of our life's . please hug your little boys tonight as my is a man and will not be there each night to hug.

well we all live throught it all

so i did not run out of food . did forget to take pictures ok how bad is that . we had a good turn out with the weather , everyone stayed dry but it was cold i would say like 75 people or so so a little less then normal it would be if it was sunny and warm . so i have food still for like 50 more people lol
non one fought that good . many police office came by and gave him money which i would think just stop eat wish him best wishes would of been enough horror i think so it was really nice . neighbors people think why all these cops at Roger's house lol . for you dont know my son is an explorer and works with our local police dept here for the last two years and is going into officer program in the fall . (not sure how we got a kid that wants to be a cop ) but i am proud ! i was not a great teen and was far from the law .. i am sure may e we did something right as a parent some where .
so now he has this money , what to do ? of course he want to take like 300 bucks and use it for a toy but i say that pays for books , uniforms for school food ect . this is hard something i been thinking about how to teach my kids about money . (this should be another post maybe later )
so how do you teach your children money responsibility ? he will need to manage his money for school , food , gas , and spending (he wants to spend i believe ?) he usually not like this but he think it his money it is but it also got a load of bills for college so how do i help him ? we are helping him pay for school my goal would be he get through two years with out loans but i am not sure i am worried that means like 500 a month or more for us extra which is manageable i guess but i want him responsible also fore this . i talk more another night about money management another post , when kids where little they have saving , spending and long term or charity. but now saving is more and spending more .
what to do i think he mad which makes me pissed that he can not take like 400 and blow it , i feel guilty why do we do that , i gave him a party , lap top , paying for school , he has the latest or sort of games ect he one of these kids and always been it never enough how do we teach him this , oh yah i am giving him my car . by the way he does not have a job .you see this is a sore spot for me . it not that he has not tyred to get a job but i feel he should keep trying , just if you fill out one job app does not make it you looking for work . Then i do this flip and he going to school this summer three morning , drives sisters around , does what we ask so it hard . one side side say maybe i should pay him to help with his sister but then again that kind of payment for the car , other side say he should have a job saving for college . parent tug away

why does family invites bring he best of us out

my husband would
say the worst time in our marriage would be when we where planning our wedding . that when we fought the most and was the most stressful . (by the way we where also buying a house and i started a new manager job ) 3 things they say are the most stressful .
any way planning a graduation party for a few 100 of your closest friends and family is like planning a small wedding .
Why do men think they can start getting ready for it 24 hours before hand while women plan for weeks or months before and plan and prepare .
now the rain mind you we have a huge three car garage and he decide somewhere he was not going to use it and we just do it out side . i have a great big , shady yard , huge kitchen to work for food . but now what RAIN , what to do with your few 100 guest if all come at once OMG i want to cry and keep thinking it wont rain will it ?
we will see as i am keep moving forward doing what i plan and hope it all works out (well how cannot it work out ) it what it is right ?
His bright idea at 6am this morning on his way to softball with oldest DD is to rent a uhaul for the day . unload crap in there and then reload by in garage . omg that sound a little crazy but could work . if he would of planned months ago he could of had it done already .
well my yard looks nice . i mess up and did not get the carpets clean and well ick i see white spot where i spot clean ick oh well life will go on.. have i said i am not doing this a gain girls all out of luck . just kidding but i will never plan my own wedding again would not do that again . i said that and mean that .

i have always felt bad about feeling like one child gets more from us then another and how to balance 4 child. when son came of co use he was are only child and he came with special needs so for about the first 10 years even after dd came he was are focus we spent a lot of time and attain . then dd got older and seem to need us more with school and sports friends girls things . then the little girls came and well they needed a lot but still a lot of attain to oldest dd with her sports ect . son seem to be doing good but felt like he need more . when all where little i would try to take each one out once a month so one a week just with mom to dinner , movie or shopping and dd would do the same with our son one on one time . our daughter also seem to need us now more . and our son off doing his thing with him self or friends and i wonder if we missed something . i sure hope not . it a balancing act with 4 kids let me tell you . i want them all to feel special , love and number 1 with mom and dad .

Do you think we are doing to much for our children

when my children where little i always thought i was teaching them Independence but now as i have one leaving for college and another in high school . i wonder but my girls are 8 and 9 and look at them and dont want them to grow up so fast .want them to be kids and school there work . i mean they always have chores and things they help with , excepted to get good grade do home work , go to church , play sport ect . my oldest two do own wash , little ones put there away ,make there bed , help put dish away . As i look at my son i wonder is he ready to live on own (he can cook and shop) we tested this last year when we left him home for a week with money to buy own food and gas for the week . he say he ready . is it my anxiety as a mom ? part of this is coming from when i went to college i did it all on my own at 18 i march into the school applied , applied for aid ,filled out all paper work ect . my son on the other hand i did it all . he is going up to registration himself in a week he asked if i was coming i say no .. you can do it . they help him but if i could do it on line i would have have for him . is that wrong to want to be there for him ,help him on his way if he needs it ?it scary now i might see the mistake we made as parents now that our children are being adults .or i am hoping to see the good things we did do in them as they are adults .

seriously husbans

seriously i know this is about being a mom into world for me but i have to wonder how marriage is different them our parents or grandparents
First i have to get my vent out . i know my dh is working two job right now but really i work 50 hours a week ever week of the year or at least 50 , i do wash for me and two of the kids , all towels , blankets ect each week , all shopping , all bills and running a family stuff , 99.9 % house work . and lets see dog out of food (i did not know and i took two kids after i got off work to softball 45 minutes away got home at 9:30 . now i know he work 11 or 12 hours today but you think he stop and get the dog food as he knew i was out a ball field and have no time . and another thing he came down to get something and sit and watch tv in kitchen (this makes me lol ) leave the tv on hello he been doing this for a while now why no one in the freaken room . i just dont understand . if i did not have two tired , hungry dirty girls with me i would of stooped but instead dog at cereal tonight .
i have to give dh he is a great dad , always there for them , help tons when babies where babies hands on dad and all .but i have notice longer we are married 16 yrs he gets worst at this stuff . here another funny in our married so when we are home and say 5:30 rolls around and he notice i have not started dinner he will start to cook or say did you have anything planned then cook but if i am cooking it hands off . does not even think about it .
my mom waited on us kids and my dad hand and foot and worked full time . i said i would never do that and i dont but i wanted things more 50/50 is that wrong ? i do work from home so i can do more stuff and my job not really physical so am not saying 50 /50 have to be but 25/75 could be nice 80/20 lol . what you think? what your married like has it changed over the years . when we where first maaried and for the first few years i actual seen him clean the floor , bathroom , kitchen .now i am not sure he know where the mop is . how did this happen just easier for me to take over ? now i am stressing as 100 of his family and closest friends coming to our son graduation party and well a lot neeeds to be done before sat .
i could vent on but i wont we all not prefect i know i am not . and he never says a word about anything i do or dont do

when does your job stop as a mom

what does it cover . ok this week-end crazy no crazy then most for us . as dh says it our life that what it is . we had 9 softball games , (could been 11) 2 weddings , banquet dinner . so my mind is busy on graduation stuff , work and doing what i have to do . so i did not keep track off much else like the banquet dinner as i was not going only oldest dd and dh . well guess what they asked what time ? hum 6 or 6:30 where? i dont know as i toss it out of my mind once i knew i did not need to worry about it . then felt bad as they got to where they thought and was not there . how i am i to know ? my brain on over load trying to keep all 4 kids and our life on track ,we dont have night or day free in june and i am sure july almost as bad . i usally more then one kid has something . it makes my head tired . now i would not change it but i can not remember everythng .
i keep three calendars one for work , one for softball and one for all others things ..
one of these mommy choices that are hard so my youngest dd has a play should of been friday but changes now to tuesday . but my ds oldest has a thing at the college that will only happen once . so what do you do . so sad everyone needs me . i whant to be there for both of them . my youngest up set i have not even told oldest . so i got it worked out the best i can i am going during the day (costing me 39 bucks ) to take off but then can go to ds at night . my mom and possible dh go to youngest play . now i know why my mom had only one child at a time .. i hate these things . my girls are always like are you coming to the game it not that i dont go to a million games or even want to but some times another child needs me . the heart ach of a parent goes on