well i have not posted in a while as i am not in a great place

i feel i have hit a wall and i need to fix it .
i am grateful for my family , my job everything around me . i need to fix somethings . i dint want to get into but i took stand and i moving forward with out knowing the out come.
my son i have him for about three more weeks at home but one he gone at state protol boot camp . then home a week then off to school . i am a little stress what happen he hate it , can not handle being adult i could i fail out of college at 18 boohoo and took years of going to school and final finishing at 38. i know he not me but he not a strong student and likes to just get by . then the stress of paying for it all omg stress me out .
oldest dd i was worry she want to date omg can i pick the guy i promise i wont pick the nerd !
Girls one never want to grow up other want to shave legs and grow up to fast .
about a month before school starts it will go fast summer always does . we made all the appointments eye , teeth and checks up. you know how many that is x 4 and always someone else go to go back to dentist for something or extra shoot . i am very grateful i can take them all and pay for it .
i am hoping to do a few family things before summer ends as a family that has nothing to do with our children sports a little balance would be great . skiing ,taking boat out , up north for the week end , valley fair

so my vacation has change

we where all head to Kansas well dh , me and three girls for a national softball tourament which we did last year . and guess what the little girls and i have to stay . i was looking forward to a week vacation different state spending it with another 30 families from our softball teams . boohoo
i am starting to feel a little better but i am sure sunday night when my oldest dd leave and dh i will be a bitch ! i feel left out .i will have fun i am still taking off , i am going to plan on cleaning some big project 9oh yah fun vacation ) also take girls to a fair , possible swimming one day and then they play games on thur- sun and then dh and dd will be home . oh yah dh 40th birthday on sat . ok i want to cry again . no no i hate i feel like this a kid being left out .
i think i forgot to ad why we are staying as girls made there own national right here in mn white bear lol so much for vacation .
well i am going to try to enjoy my family this week end while all here oldest of course plays ball then they head out.

another week end

wow of course a softball week end my little girls played 6 games ,4 today . it so hard as a mom watch them struggle or lose when they try so hard . R is a pictcher she did great but did not have it in after 7 hours of playing to pull it out of her. of course she never lose a game her self or anyone one player lose a game all by self . i am proud tho they played a great season we did place 4 th at 10u in state and have a chance to go to national (hehe just in white bear ) but they as a team have done wonderful
well we are just tired and now we get ready for a crazy week of softball and then off to kanas for a week of softball ,our crazy life of softball ......

so i have not wrote for a few days

We where out of town for the 4th doing what else softball had a fun time
i am still in my funk about what my life has become but wont talk about that today
let see my son my baby boy 18 i can not be old enough to have 18 it really does not seem like i could be possible as i have a 8 and 9 yr . he a great kid , leaving for college , has a girls friend and know what he doing in life ..
oldest dd driving me crazy this summer of course and needs to start drivers ed ick she kind of a air head so i am worreid about her driving lol
girls they good i am sure borad but we leave for KS in a week so that be fun but for what else softball lol
dh and have been married 16 yrs friday hum wonder if we will do anything
i have know my dh 21 yr not possible 16 yr married that crazy ( that seems like a life time )
does all this mean i am grown up in a grown up world
so days i dont think i want to be