well am still here

I have not felt like updating this week . Not sure if it the snow , cold ice or holiday but boy i could stay in bed or at least on my coach until April .Am not even that kind of person .

Ready For holiday nope . One more day shopping and then i be done i think .I bought the ham for eve dinner and now come up with all sides and something for Christmas day at BIL it is like a week away basically in my head anyway . I have not even started wrapping and i wrap for 4 kids even 4 gift a pc it alot lol .

smoking i did great for a week actual did not really smoke all weekend then i went back ahh so i need to get in mide set and just do it again . I have not gave up .. i will contine this fight .

money stressed well one new family started and 2nd should start new year and one on the 15th jan so that will help a tons once it all comes together . every time i think ok my finance roll something happen . Kids car need some work all because hum 16 year should not drive in winter lol no i think dh being to tough but she made some bad choice that cost us some money. nothing bad she well not sure what happen i think stuck on ice Monday morning on way to school on high way and drive might of died stalled and well she took a ride to school left car . which of course got towed before dh could get back to it with some one . Then he decide it was not running right after picking it from the tow yard so 200.00 lost pay , 135.00 tow 150.00 part and still we want to take it in for am sure another 200.00 . always something isn't .

Well crazy week end coming up actual start tomorrow basketball game , Friday basketball game Saturday softball and hockey game then sunday rest i hope . Oh yah remember i still need to finish my Christmas shopping . Then only 4 days of work then Christmas eve .

Son will be home tomorrow for winter break . kids still have school until Thursday i think all three girls do .

Wow did the year go . 2010 many blessing .

Well i have the Attitude

of who cares or could say something worst so i need to change my thinking . Had a great week end non smoke and now am back about 1/2 what i used to so it better but i think i need to change my Attitude . Ahh it hard anbd i want to and i dont . So torn . I can do it ...

Sunday already

well my anger comes and goes . smoking ok hopeful by new year i be compete done . am trying to follow the non smoking plan but i think quieting cold turkey would almost be easier . it no physical at all all mental ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. One thing at a time .

Ok one day down .

So father came home and will be recovery .
My fight today was the first day am not going to smoke . Well not really am follow the drug plan so i started the non smoking drug and i cut at least 1/2 the amount i smoke hopeful tomorrow i cut that in 1/2.I refuse to by more . I want to quick . It sad i can not decide the 1# reason to quiet . It sad isn't it sorry i feel guilty . My kids ,my heath . money 50 a week (good thing i don't drink hum )and have no life but my children ,smell , the stigma that goes with smoking . Ahh so many reason i just don't know which one will keep me from going back . Maybe me saying it out loud .